Good on paper, bad in practice: from fart offsets to eco-beer, blocking the sun to Green Burning Man, here are 20 of the craziest innovations, inventions, and ideas to save the planet – most of which have fallen miserably short of the mark. In the rush to solve our numerous environmental crises, scientists have been scrambling to develop innovative technologies and creative solutions. Some of these developments have been lauded for their ingenuity and potential. But other concepts, while initially offering promise, have turned out to be impossible, dangerous, or just…ridiculous.
Global warming. Food shortages and water scarcity. Fossil fuel depletion. Deforestation and extinction. Freakish weather. Methane pollution and acid rain. Dwindling resources. It’s an understatement to say we’re facing major environmental issues as the first decade of the 21st century draws to a close. No wonder scientists are trying anything and everything. Even things that don’t work. At all.
Artificial Islands and Floating Cities
(Images via wikipedia and Reuters)
Land reclamation project turned playground for the rich and famous, artificial island projects such as Dubai’s The World have come under criticism for harming the environment and disturbing delicate ecosystems as developers claim the projects actually benefit the planet. Despite the fact that self-professed environmentalists Brad and Angelina have snapped up their own faux islet, The World is an environmental embarrassment.
Other artificial islands claiming to preserve the environment are credible, such as (where else?) the Bay Area’s Treasure Island project, China’s Dongtan, and the high-tech Lilypad – the amphibious answer to a future of rising tides. These artificial cities are carbon neutral, self-sufficient and 100% sustainable. However, a lack of scalability and prohibitive cost for at-risk regions makes projects like Lilypad a novelty, not a global solution. A more likely (and practical) solution will be to retrofit existing cities…although the Superstar is cool.
Human-Powered Floating Gyms
(Image via Inhabitat)
Human-powered floating gyms – a great way to transport yourself downriver as long as you don’t mind working out in an encased shell with a dozen other sweaty bodies. Could this be New York’s answer to the problem of traffic congestion? While scientists have been working to find a way to harness wasted energy expelled by people at gyms, the practicality of floating gyms is debatable. Would people want to work out on their way to meetings and appointments? Would the resources used to build the gyms make the energy savings even worth it? Isn’t walking or biking on existing roadways a more feasible (and inexpensive) method of transport?
The 15-Year Light Bulb
(Images via Ecoble and Fort Photo)
Everyone would love love a light bulb that lasts 1.5 decades. Think of all the energy humans would collectively save. Unfortunately, though many were excited by the, um, glow of this idea, the radioactivity of the bulb means we still need a nontoxic answer to the problem of wasted electricity.
Failed Hybrids
(Images via PureGreenCars, Motortrend and tuvie)
Hybrid concepts are hot, but not all are realistic. Like the extreme gravity car. Or even Hybrid SUVs that get worse gas mileage than most sedans and require tremendous virgin resources to produce. But then there is Ford’s failed hybrid revolution and the plight of the electric car. Though there are plenty of great hybrids on the market these days, as well as some great upcoming models and concepts, many have been dismal failures. The air car is a kick-ass concept, but time will tell if it can significant mileage with the media or consumers. And of course, there is the infamous water-powered car.
You may want to hold out hope for the 330 mpg Aptera.
Road Cells
(Image via Nicolas T)
The friction and heat generated by cars on the road adds up to a lot of wasted energy. Scientists have toyed with the idea of special absorbent cells that could harness all that energy for reuse. The only problem is a lack of feasibility: retrofitting roads with special cells is unlikely when our crumbling infrastructure is already in such a state of disrepair. And the wear-and-tear dilemma has yet to be resolved.
Biofuels
(Images via Kanko*, Teo and Thiru Murugan)
They were the next great answer to the unquenchable thirst for fuel. And then people saw the rapidly burgeoning rates of deforestation and created a global food crisis the world is still dealing with. Biofuels seemed like the magic ticket, but the number is up. Though biofuel production is still growing and politicians are still hopeful that these agricultural sources of energy can get us off fossil fuels, the management and production thus far has been a free-for-all with unintended consequences and tragic collateral damage. Biofuels may even create more carbon emissions. And as if this weren’t bad enough, biofuels apparently marginalize women.
Cow Fart Offsets
(Image via hans s)
Cows produce a lot of methane when they emit. Methane is 23 times worse than carbon dioxide. Researchers recently discovered that kangaroo flatulence is methane-free thanks to a certain unidentified bacteria. They have said that if people can infect livestock such as cows with the bacteria, humans can possibly prevent this widespread methane pollution. But it will take at least three years to isolate the bacteria, and scientists have no idea what impact the germ would have upon the health of cows. While cows do produce tremendous amounts of methane (14% of greenhouse gases total), bypassing cattle farts would do nothing to put a dent in the tremendous resources they use: water, feed, and space. Beef is one hell of an inefficient dinner. Besides, cows also produce ammonia.
Burning Man Goes Green
(Images via Marshall Astor, The WB and Mulling It Over)
The glorious dome became Earthdome and Burning Man went green. And around the world…crickets were heard. Bay Area Prada-wearing hippies and artsy types from all corners were bummed, but unfortunately, the great green statement of last year’s Burning Man went up in smoke.
Burying Pollution in the Ocean in Really Big Bags
(Image via Popular Science)
There are numerous ideas to deal with carbon dioxide that involve the ocean: planting lime, seeding iron, and least plausibly, dunking carbon-filled sacks. Some ideas may indeed be viable, but specialized sacks don’t look to be. The appeal? These large, sausage-shaped skins could be easily transported (the resources and transport required for carbon tanks has rendered that scheme a lost cause for now). But they could also be easily snagged and torn, and scientists won’t have them ready until 2020. And since humans produce 800 tons of carbon every second, people would use a bag every 11 days at the current rate. If oceans are forced to absorb carbon dioxide, though, the acidity will increase, which translates to danger for marine life. The inherent dilemma remains: people simply need to create less mess.
Block the Sun, Blow Up Volcanoes, and Other Manly Stuff
(Image source unknown)
Geo-engineering was once consider loony bin science. No more. Of particular interests to scientists right now is the potential cooling that could result if they engineered a massive volcanic explosion. When Mt. Pinatubo exploded in 1991, millions of tons of sulfur dioxide helped create a cooling effect. Unfortunately, scientists still know too little about the exact mechanisms of global warming, and intentionally creating massive weather systems or environmental catastrophes could cause more harm than good. This is talking about tinkering with a watch when people don’t know the time. It’s not off the table, but geo-engineering has a long way to go before being viable.
Eureka! Don’t Have Babies
(Images via mahalie, Corey Ann, tedsblog and bimurch)
Humans tend to look to technological innovation in hopes of saving the planet, but the simple truth is that consuming fewer resources is (or was) the best hope. And that means no more babies. Especially for Americans – they are living as if there are 5 earths instead of 1. Unlikely, however, until humans no longer feel compelled to continue the species and the Pope no longer feels compelled to keep millions in the Middle Ages with his rants against birth control. The urge to procreate and religion: good luck taking these on, environmentalists.
Really Dumb “Green” Gadgets
(Images via respective manufacturers)
From the Asus bamboo paneled laptop to the flower you can grow in a plastic case hooked up to your computer, many “green” inventions are not only silly but require the use of virgin resources to produce. Other dumb inventions to “help” the environment include the Petapotty (an indoor platform on which your dog can dump – to prevent harm to lawns because you forgot your baggy), the Go Green paper shredder (it shreds your paper into squares, because you don’t own scissors), the so-called Eco Kettle (Barbie says: measuring is hard!), the solar-powered fan hat (don’t ask), the nano-silver washing machine that eliminates the need for detergent (because silver strip mining is…eco?), and many more. There’s nothing like a good coat of greenwash to remind everyone that silly gadgets are not going to save the planet.
Sonic Curtains
(Images via moriza and gmonster25)
Biophony is an important element of environmental stability, and with the widespread problem of noise pollution harming animals and stressing humans, scientists are looking for answers. The Polytechnic University of Valencia, Spain is convinced that sonic cloaks are the remedy to too much noise. Ostensibly, this will encourage people to repopulate cities, reducing suburban sprawl, but what happens if your neighbor’s apartment is on fire and you’re blissfully sleeping through the screams?
Rich people
(Images via Earthfirst and Xurbie)
Oh, rich people. They’re so cute! From pristine environmental enclaves for the superrich that turn out to be harmful to Kevin Costner wasting $40 million on useless green initiatives, to Madonna plastered on a green Vanity Faire as she spends $120 grand a year on plastic bottled water, to celebs claiming to be green while their lifestyles are anything but, rich people and green = FAIL.
Hairy Plants
(Image via Popular Science)
A researcher named Christopher Doughty of the University of California at Irvine noticed that plants in hot, arid regions are hairy – and this unique characteristic enables the plants to reflect harmful near-infrared light and drive more efficient photosynthesis. The proposed solution: a hairier, furrier landscape, coming to a backyard near you. Unfortunately, disturbing natural ecosystems by introducing alien plant species is a poor idea. And while plants could be genetically engineered to be as furry as their desert counterparts, the practicality of this green solution is questionable at best. Extra reflection could mean less water evaporation, which would actually heat the planet further.
Beaming Electricity from Space
(Image via Popular Science)
Send satellites into space, where they unfurl 1.5 mile-long solar arrays and send limitless clean energy to earth. Japan is already investing heavily in this technology. One problem: the beam could theoretically miss the receiver and fry, say, a neighborhood. Researchers are working on a solution to this potential disaster, but so far no luck.
Giant Fake Trees
(Image via Mash Down Babylon)
One passionate, if nutty, scientist named Wallace Broecker has a desperate plan to save the planet: “plant” millions of massive trees all over the globe at a cost of $600 billion a year. Fake trees, at that. The trees will be capable of sucking up carbon dioxide, thereby theoretically containing the climate change threat. Broecker is the scientist who originally coined the term “global warming”, but his scrubber tree scheme isn’t sticking.
Harnessing Tornadoes
(Images via Popular Science and tlindenbaum)
Since tornados frequently exceed 100 mph, generating 10 mega-watt hours of power, scientists are hard at work developing machines that could somehow intake and harness this power. One scientist says he knows how to trap a tornado and keep the twister going indefinitely, generating all the power we need. The commercial machine is slated for debut in about 5 years, but the dangers of such a device are serious. A tornado might grow out of control, destroying the machine and creating widespread devastation. The scientist working on the machine says such concerns are ridiculous, because all he has to due is flip a switch to slap that silly little tornado back into its place. Why, a tornado spinning out of control would be inconceivable!
Pig Pee Plates
(Images via madnzany and eco-modernist)
1 billion pigs, 90,000 tons of urine daily. With all the bacon and pork chops Americans eat, there’s a lot of porcine pee to divert. Pig urine contains urea, which is already in use in many products (it is used in de-icing formulas, among many applications). Researchers have created a bioplastic from the urine, but it is not as great as one might think. For starters, when the bioplastic breaks down in landfills, it releases methane. The inherent problems associated with meat production are not alleviated, either. What’s more, bioplastic still requires the use of some petroleum-based plastic, meaning recycling facilities are going to have a hard time getting equipped for this new hybrid of plastic. The Danish scientists are undeterred, however, envisioning pig skyscraper cities where all waste is harnessed for reuse. Production on plates begins soon.
Eco Beer
(Images via The Sun and Tim Parkinson)
Something involving wort and steam cannot be worth toasting – or can it? Engineers think that using steam to brew the wort (the mixture of starch – like barley – and water) can reduce brewing time by half while using half the energy. And this is a solution to our environmental woes? It’s like that scene in South Park when the gnomes are stealing underpants. Steal the underpants, do other stuff, profit!
Great green innovations don’t always pan out. And sometimes ideas that read like a wacky sci-fi novel turn out to be brilliant. Look for updates in future posts.
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46 Comments
October 20th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
very nice, informative and true. makes you kinda sad though, that people spend to much time and energy on these silly products, when they could really be focusing on the important stuff (the perpetual energy we have all around us..)
October 20th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
For the record, Catholic teaching on contraception is simple, rational, and beautiful. When two people get married, the two become one. Each makes a gift of himself or herself to the other. Sex is the perfect expression of that gift. Contraception interferes with that gift, because you are holding back an important part of yourself, your fertility.
Contraception says to your spouse: “I love everything about you. Except that nasty fertility thing, i don’t love that about you, and would rather put a barrier between us, mutilate your body or mine, or radically alter my body or your body with chemicals and hormones. But hey, that acne problem will go away! sweet!”
October 26th, 2008 at 4:08 am
The Volvo gravity car was built for gravity racing.
Soap box car racing down a hill, but for grownups.
They won.
November 4th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
dear proud to be Catholic
Too bad Catholic teaching on contraception is unrealistic. Abstinence-only education results in MORE teen pregnancy.
This is the problem with faith. It’s not evidence-based. It’s all based on wishful thinking.
November 7th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
If the Pig Pee Plates release methane upon decomposition, couldn’t we just create landfills that collect the methane and convert it into usable energy to add back into the grid?
Many landfills are already energy self-sufficient because of methane collection. This methane liability actually sounds like an asset to me.
November 8th, 2008 at 5:22 am
While I agree that rich people who think they are eco-friendly tend to have a massive carbon footprint, it is their radical and large scale green ideas that trickle down to eco-friendly ideas the average person can use. Unlike trickle-down economics, trickle-down innovations are necessary.
November 8th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Spray foam hoomes or made from old tires and looking like some kind of goofy ant hill where the ants have moved out
November 22nd, 2008 at 6:15 am
While it has been a while since I looked into it, the idea of beaming power from space is not likely to harm anyone. In addition to being located in unpopulated areas, the proposed beam width means that the actual levels of radiation, if the beams missed and, say, hit a small city, would be no greater than standing in front of your microwave. Now, granted, doing that for days on end could be dangerous, but I think that someone will notice when their big expensive satellite suddenly stops making money.
November 26th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
I think it important to highlight what works for a sustainable environment and move away from negative articles about what doesn’t work. History is rife with “bad” ideas that were actually effective. It is inevitable that environmentalists will disagree but I don’t see how the movement is being inclusive when we generate negative articles that criticize rich celebrities or “nutty” scientists.
December 5th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
What’s so silly about population control?
In essence all of our environmental “problems” are the result of the activities of homo sapien. Humans are the biggest risk to the environment and indeed the future of the planet. The way we live our lives causes great distress and pain to those underserving and just trying to go about their business as they have for millions of years.
Ladies, keep your legs closed. Gentlemen, do it yourself.
Scientists, work out a way to end this plague.
January 1st, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Ils sont fou, ces Catholics!
January 3rd, 2009 at 11:19 pm
Great compilation, except for “Don’t have babies”. The thought may be stated in a Pavlovian manner, but it merits attention. Overpopulation is what is causing most of the planet’s imbalance. Why is Finland not as polluted or troubled as, say, Indonesia? Lesser people to tackle. ClimateChange etc make for funky political causes and overpopulation does not, but the starkest difference in the world between 1900 and 2009 is the sheer volume of humans living on it. Someone’s got to say it.
January 9th, 2009 at 11:46 am
Really great post. People really know how to go over board in many areas. The best one is with celebrities. They always claim they are environmentally friendly or are going green but never seem to live up to their word. They live in massive homes and usually have extremely inefficient cars and yet want credit for being “green”. Hayden Panettiere is another celebrity who wants to save the environment and help animals but drives around in a gas guzzling land rover.
February 1st, 2009 at 9:22 am
Et pourquoi pas des voitures électriques comme celles dans les fêtes foraines ? Des auto tamponneuses, auto scooters qui circulent sous un grillage électrifié.
February 2nd, 2009 at 10:06 pm
the population control idea seems to be a very good idea. first i ever heard it was in a fiction book where in the future the government made it such that every couple was only allowed to have one child untill the population was in check. after that time couples would be allowed to have 2 children only to keep the population at roughly the same number. as far as im concerned that is a workable solution. it would take major governmental control. but it wouldnt mean that every couple could only have 1 or 2 children as not all couples want children. some couples could say they didnt want children and others would then be allowed more than one or 2 children. this would solve alot of the problems we face. first of all over population, and from that we wouldnt be destroying as many forests for farming and space to live in, we wouldnt have to use as much energy farming such masive amounts of plants and animals. co2 emmisions from cars (assuming a clean car isnt invented) wouldnt be as much cause there wouldnt be as many cars on the road and all the forests that werent cut down or re-grew would help offset the co2. so really it could work out just fine.
February 9th, 2009 at 6:44 am
Have a wonderful day.
Thank you.
Take care.
February 12th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Great post, what eco beauty products and shampoos are reccomended?
February 12th, 2009 at 11:26 am
Great post, what eco beauty products do you reccommend?
March 1st, 2009 at 9:08 am
Then these stupid greens are comming up with the rediculous idea called THE EARTH HOUR they want everyone to turn off their electricity for one hour over this global warming poppycock bull kaka well dose that mean at night? do they want all those street lights turned off hor a hour? do they want all those security camrars at all the buisneeses and stores shut down? WHY DONT THESE STUPID GREENS GET A LIFE AND KEEP THEIR MOUTHS CLOSED FOR A WHOLE DAY A WHOLE 24 HOURS SO WE DONT HAVE TO LISTEN TO THEIR IDIOTIC IDEAS
March 16th, 2009 at 3:15 am
You should take a look at this. These guys seem to have found an answer.
Introduction to the Y3000 Plan
March 19th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
While some of the things in this article were indeed amusing, do we really need someone bashing every attempt to make improvements to the greeness of consumer products? I, for one, think that using bamboo in a computer is a great idea. The bamboo case would reduce the plastic used in the process dramatically. Cow fart reduction? Maybe it sounds funny like saying ‘poo poo’ and ‘pee pee’, but it sounds like a legitimate scientific claim worth investigating, given that people won’t stop demanding to purchase beef. And the pig pee plates releasing methane? Who cares? I’d rather the hydrocarbons used in plastics be derived from carbon that was already on the surface of the earth than continuing to pump tons of oil out of the ground. And road cells? Maybe they’re not an answer for urban areas, but they could be used in areas where freeways are in constant use and they are rebuilt frequently (I live in a major city, and I don’t think over the years that I’ve lived here that there hasn’t been some freeway undergoing major construction). Oh, and god forbid every industry, in whatever small way it can, like finding ways to brew beer with less energy, contribute to the cause of reducing energy consumption. Nope, screw them. Because if every industry collectively reduced their energy consumption by 50% that would be meaningless.
March 26th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
be entertained
April 19th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
if only all you eco warriors parents had decided to save the planet and not given birth to you all, then the planet would be saved!
i personally don’t believe in global warming (which will surely make me the anti christ in all your eyes) but, why critisize these people who are atleast attempting to fix the problem that you believe exists? why not applaude them for being passionate about a cause you believe in?
doesn’t make sense to me
April 22nd, 2009 at 6:56 am
Good reading, killed some time
May 2nd, 2009 at 9:53 pm
Listeing to those eco-freaks and their rediculous ideas and suggesttions only proves their stupid and rediclous
May 6th, 2009 at 10:57 am
Why should people be limited to the number of children they have? That is just stupid, yeah people are the part of the problem with the environment, but there are easier ways to solve the problems than just not having kids. GET REAL! People are also going to be the ones who solve the problems we are having, so why would you want to limit the amount of people?
For all of you who think that is a good idea, I hope you’re using protection. I also hope that you don’t have children becuase, are you going to be the one who says one day to your son or daughter, “I don’t want you to have a baby, it will hurt the environment?”
Think about it.
May 13th, 2009 at 3:01 am
great reading sometimes makes killed and have a nice day. take care and nice post.
May 16th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
I agree with the comment above that trying to reduce population growth, in most parts of the world, is not the way to go. Of course, there are countries in Asia and Africa where slower growth would be wise. However in most of the nations where people are environmentally aware and are focusing efforts on improving the environment, there is still good quantity of available land. The US, for example, could absorb a much larger population. We don’t want to take attention away from more important and more effective environmental approaches.
May 25th, 2009 at 9:28 am
I think it’s not morally acceptable that people should be limited offspring. But realistically overpopulation and laziness are humanities major problems today. The only reason why people are not addressing it is because of it’s a taboo and strong moral aspects. But look at the consequences these issues are having on everybody and everything, we are eventually at this rate going to not only destroy ourselves we are going to destroy our innocent earth. We are probably going to have to fix this problem ourselves individually since our global corporations and governments are not going to fix them in time. I think we should start going backwards. Regain our harmony with nature, live surrounded by green instead of grey, even most cars now days are grey! To start being an animal again, to regain our independence, to go back to pedalling instead of finding ways to make our lives easier as to not pedal but get technology to do it for us. I live in a city with dirty air, yet cars are allowed to travel around making the air even more dirty. Why are people just going around by bicycle? I get around by bicycle because its faster and cheaper and at the same time I don’t dirty the air, except for farting every so often.
May 29th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Good article, the advertisment is sold?
June 29th, 2009 at 8:14 am
I never thought about the environmental impacts of the man-made islands off the coast of Dubai. It’s such an enormous undertaking. I was always impressed that the developers would even try such a large project. I can see how marine environments might be effected though and I think that they need to take a closer look at the impact.
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